What a week!

Sometimes things are really going great and sometimes things are really a challenge, and sometimes they are really great and really a challenge all at the same time.  Well, we are in the middle of one of those times.  This is my get real time and that was why I started this blog.  To let people see the real side of being a family dealing with autism and for other families of kids with autism to see that they are not alone, so here's where we get real.

We have had a week.  It seems like both boys have hit the wall this week and I'm still reeling.  I have to preface this statement with the disclaimer that this type of thing happens for us typically once or possibly twice a year.  It almost seems to cycle for the boys, but prior to this they have been on different cycles.  Z's cycle has been to be more difficult in the fall and J's has been pretty much during this time but they have typically been over their issues by the time the other child hits their cycle so we just go from one cycle to the other.  Tiring but not overwhelming.  All that to say, we have been here before.  This time, however, both boys suddenly seem to be on the same cycle.  They both seem to suddenly be not handling things very well and we are struggling to figure out what is the underlying cause.  

The biggest issue is that they are both, at the same time as they are struggling, having huge advances with social awareness, interaction, communication, etc.  We see the amazing things we saw last week where they played together but this week where J wanted to kill himself because I had him get off the computer and Z kept getting into the garage and climbing onto the minivan because he could not stop obsessing over going to Toys R Us.  What is this?  What craziness takes over my poor kids minds?  Are the medications causing this or do I need to increase their doses to help them cope?  Do we lose the interaction and communication if we lose the obsession and mood swings?  

My greatest fear is that we will spend another summer like last summer where we had so much of the summer spent with J in the hospital and I'm worried that Z is going that same path.  I feel so much like I am in a constant battle with a huge dark monster that is Autism that sometimes is amazing and beautiful and smart and funny and cute.  Do I fight it?  Do I embrace it?  Do I mimic it?  Do I ignore it?  And the biggest question of all, when is "it" Autism and when is "it" my wonderful, beautiful, amazing, child?

Why would a faithful God?  Tonight I think I'm going to have to just sit quietly and wait for the answer.