Luggage

One quirky thing the boys do is carry around what I call their "luggage".  It started out with J about three or four years ago where he wanted to carry his stuffed animals with him.  At the time he was very excited about Beanie babies and had amassed quite a collection due to various grandparents having collections themselves and lots of beanie babies on sale at garage sales.  He would want to carry all of them (at one point over 100) with him when we went places.  We would encourage him to pick out his favorites and leave the rest home.  He would deliberate long and hard over this decision and mentally keep track of what beanie babies had not gone on outings for a while and which ones were particular favorites.  When we went on longer trips we allowed more of them to go depending on the length of the trip and it amazed me how he would remember which beanie baby was packed in which suitcase (since they took up multiple suitcases).

After Beanie babies Josh graduated to Webkins for a while and then to papercrafts.  We are still currently in papercrafts with Josh.  For anyone who is not familiar with papercrafts they are patterns on paper that you print, cut out, and then tape together to create a 3 dimensional object.  This interest started last summer and has continued through this year.  Currently Josh has hundreds of these objects.  He's even taken to creating his own when he can't find patterns for objects/characters he wants to create.  The good thing for us is that they are much smaller then beanie babies so they all fit into a large reusable grocery bag that he carries with him to school every day and with us wherever we go.  We can occasionally get him to just take a few papercrafts with him places but most of the time where Josh goes the bag goes.

I'm not sure how it got started but about a month or two ago Zach started noticing Josh's bag and began to carry his own.  Here's were it's been interesting.  Zach loves Baby Einstein DVDs, CDs, puppets, and books.  So it started out with him carrying around a few books in a disposable grocery bag just like his brother.  We thought it was cute that he wanted to be like his brother.  What were we thinking?  He quickly found that carrying around a bag of his things was something he favored and so he began to add to the bag.  The reusable grocery bag has quickly grown to an extra large reusable grocery bag, and now to a small suitcase.  I'm pretty sure we are going to be needing a large suitcase by next month and Zach continues to add his favorite things to this suitcase.  He carries it around the house and will even take it to bed with him.  I usually to in after he's asleep and move it from the top of his bed to the floor.

So, there are my kids comfort items.  Kinda like the blankies of their toddler years but bigger.  I wonder sometimes if I'm creating a monster or if I'm helping them to feel comforted.  For now we are managing the load and working on limits, mostly because many times I carry these items after the kids get tired of lugging them around.

It made me think of what luggage I carry around.  I carry extra weight which is not healthy but has been around so long I've gotten used to it.  I carry extra items in the house that I really don't use but have never gotten around to going through because they have been there so long.  If I really think about it there's a lot of luggage I carry around.

I think my heaviest luggage is the weight of responsibility I feel concerning decisions I make about the boys.  It seems like every decision has so much riding on it from how to I discipline (or don't discipline) to which medications do we use for them.  I know this is every parent's issue but I can't help but wonder if it's not a bit harder for parent's of children with special needs especially those that have so many different treatment approaches and no real understanding of what causes the issues.  The bible says God's yoke is easy and his burden is light and to cast your cares up on Him.  I think for me that is something I have to work on.  I'm getting tired of carrying this luggage and I need a break.  Does this mean that I'm going to not make any decisions and just "check out"?  No.  I think what it means is that I give myself permission to make the best decision I can and be ok with that.  I give myself permission to relax and know that my kids love me, love others, and are learning to be good people and that's enough.